 | Enjoy the ride with me! | Aug 27, 2006 |
today, it rained so
hard. like weeping
together with me. because even if i
am smiling, deep inside, i am weeping. weeping not because
i am hurting, but because you have made me so happy. and knowing that
you are going tomorrow makes me a little sad. why little? because
i know half of you will be here like you know that half of me will be where you
are. i love
you. Yey! Thank you Cebu Pac for the zero fare. Carlo is back with me here in Cebu even just for a short while. And then next week, I'll be flying to Manila again. Salamat sa sponsor. hehehe... I'm so happy. I knew he was so praning because it was for free and I was so praning because there was one letter on his name which was not supposed to be there but maybe sa pagdali-dali ug book, nasobrahan ug letter E, Carloe. I went to Cebu Pac office early morning on the day of his flight just to tell them about it and to ask kung pwede ba mgsend ug OSI na lang. Ok ra daw. That scene was so familiar. The lady said to me what I usually tell my customers. Pero keri ra. I didn't inform him until he was done checking in kay para di sya mapraning samot. So there, he saw his boarding pass with that letter E on his name. Anyway, pwede mag zero fare balik? Calling Cebu pac... earth to cebu pac... Thank you, Lord, I'll be on RD na jud tomorrow after 9 days of work - straight. I feel sick na jud and I can tell I'm really tired na because there were a couple of days when I just threw myself into my bed right after I removed my shoes/sandals and I told myself I would just rest for a bit but ended up waking up at 3am, just to realize I have not even changed my clothes yet. God, kapoy na jud. Salamat kay RD ko ugma. Even just for a day. Then work 3 days again and then RDs..
Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. I have sooo many things to do and soo many places to go. So I'll start off later tonight when I get home. Haay, naglibog ko unsa unahon. Promise. Later tonight: 1. CLEAN UP MY ROOM - big time!
2. clean up all shoes 3. gather things for my Christmas donation Tomorrow: 1. send my sis Cookie some more moolah kay para sa books pa daw niya, etc.
2. mgpalaundry - big time! 3. ask about McDo party package
4. Reich and I will go to Inayawan for the team Christmas outreach activity ... be back by lunch... 5. magtransfer ug kinadaghanan nga pics to my USB 6. go to SM or Ayala kay mgpaprint ug pics 7. meet up w/ my friend Boguz in Ayala 8. scrapbooking galore inig uli
haay, maynta... mahuman nako ni tanan.. i know the scrapbook thing is a work in progress so ok ra di mahuman..
Ciao!
Xansu I was just told today to Think different. How do you do that? If the swap gets approved tonight, it will be my 10th day tomorrow at work - straight - since I came back from MNL. So in short, hapit nako mutugpa. Huwat lang. Relax lang.
It's been 7 days now and I haven't posted my latest trip yet. As what I have posted on the last entry, November 4 pako makatugpa. I've been to Manila last week to acquaint myself with some of its streets, sights and sounds. And so far, the experience was good. Although there were a few times when the weather went a little crazy, it was still good. Honestly, I miss the LRT and the recorded female voice over. Although the queue is definetly crazy during rush hours, I think I can live with it. Going there was to verify my thoughts about transferring to MNL. I know life there will not be easy (transportation, travel time, rainy season, typhoons, new work environment, new faces, probably new account? and other things I have yet to discover) but I think thee are some things I could tolerate. I'm still thinking and I will still be thinking about this in the coming weeks. Di man sad siguro makamatay nang Manila no? Tan-awn lang..
Haay..Wa pa jud k katugpa. Sa Nov. 4 pako makatugpa ani.
Will post something soon..
Exactly 8 years today.
8 years of friendship and still loving it..
Thanks for sharing your life with me..
7 years back. and nothing was never the same again. happy 7 years. Hi RaqRaq, isa lang ang masasabi ko. putragis. tigilan ang kalokohang ito. magmamaktol na lang kaya ako? eh kasi, pleasant pleasantan ano. kaya di ever matuloy-tuloy ang maktol aura ko. tangina. tigilan ito. humanda ka pag nagkita tayo. magkain tayo ha. ng ngohiong at basta maraming pagkain. Nov 10? anong araw ulit yan? andito ka na lang sana kasi mgtawa-tawa lang tayo. magcount tayo ng mga who/what-do-you-want-to list natin. hahay. maghintay ka din mgpunta ako dyan.
miss na kita,
Roxanne gaga and when was the last time i watched a movie alone? just last saturday and sunday. and i watched MOVIES. a lot of it.
i think the last time i watched a movie alone was still in iligan. but no, because i saw gladys (my friend) inside, amidst the darkness, with someone i didn't know she would go with to a movie house. anywayz...
i went to the 11th cine europa in Ayala last saturday and sunday. yehey! Thanks wak for letting me know. i spent the late afternoon of saturday watching movies. then i spent the entire sunday afternoon and evening again watching movies. i didn't realize how watching movies could make you so hungry. i pigged out in KFC and then went back to the queue and waited for the free tickets. my favorite was the lola in "latebloomers" and her lingerie boutique at age 80.
To CDO people, watch out for the 11th Cine Europa on October 3-5 in Liceo de Cagayan University. Don't miss it.
No. She was not really what you can call the "other" girl.
She was not the "other" girl. She wanted to be his only but you were there.
And you were making her crazy and confused and torn. She knew the answer.
In her heart, she knew there was only one answer. And it was him. But she was thinking of what was right.
She forgot to think about what really would make her happy.
No. She was not an "other" girl. It was him who was willing to be the "other" guy.
But she didn't allow him to be. Because she knew he deserved better than that, than being JUST the "other" guy.
So no, he was not an "other" guy. They happened long before you were there and when you were no longer there.
I have gone through different lies. White Lies, black lies and lies that fall in between. It was not easy. I am not proud of it. In a way, I was thankful because it made me a lot tougher. But it was painful. You lied a lot to me and you were a lousy liar. I bet you still are. I think it's only a matter of how the person you're lying to can discern the truth. I would laugh inside my head everytime I would catch your words and then a series of questions would flow and then you would answer and then another set of questions until you hope that you got me confused. But you didn't. What you didn't know was I asked the people around that mattered to the subject before I asked you because you were always too coward to tell me. So I asked them and then I asked you. Everytime you took cover, I always had the answer and then I would tell you and then you would look surprised that I knew and then you would just shut your mouth because anything you would say could be used against you. That was tough but I got over that. Now why did that come back to me? I was thinking. What is the difference between lying and not telling? During those days, I did not lie but I did not tell. I did not deny, I didn't confirm either. If I was asked, I had to consider who was asking and what was the question being asked before I would say anything. I only tell the people who mattered. Some people would ask very bluntly and I would sometimes get surprised. I would either just smile or shake it off. I didn't care what the rest of the world thought about it. It was hard not being able to tell, considering the circumstances. I was lying to myself, more than I lied to anybody else. It was tough and I am not proud of it. Did I lie to you? Yes. Maybe. Did you ask me what? Yes but I veered away from elaborating. But at one point, I told you everything at once. I still remember I asked you to, just for once, listen without questions asked. I cried when I told you how it started and how it was forced to end. I said sorry. For a moment, the truth was revealed. I was barenaked and in pain. But then again, you had no idea how painful it really was for me and I couldn't explain it more to you. If I was able to paint "PAIN", I would just make it so you'd see. I didn't want to say anything further because I was thinking no one could even fathom what I felt. You didn't know that the reason why I felt such pain was because I was never given the chance to tell the truth. I could have just blurted it out right there but anger blocked the ears. I wanted to lash him out. But I loved him. During that time, my letters kept us alive and sane. I took refuge in my pen and paper. He held on to me through it. Those letters were the only pieces of truth in my world during those days. Did I cheat? I cheated to myself more than I cheated anyone else, I guess. I lied to myself. Is it cheating not to tell someone you really love? Or is it cheating to choose to stay with someone you don't? I still cheated to myself, either way. All I knew was I lied to myself. It was so hard to tell you the truth knowing it would hurt you and telling him the truth and still knowing it would hurt him. Did I have a choice? Yes. I had chosen to tell you the truth so you'd know. But I also had chosen to tell him the truth because I needed to.
When Im in your arms, nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter, I dont care.
 | Sorry | Sep 18, '08 12:29 AM
for everyone |
How do you know when does the word SORRY lose it's meaning?
|  | This was last March when I went there. Karon pa nako gi upload kay karon pa nabutangan ug tag. I was too lazy to upload the pics kay daghan pa kaayo pero these are my fave shots.
|
Caution: God at work
He really has a way of making us learn and unlearn. I'm like going on a road under construction having to go the other lane and avoid the part being worked on. It is like seeing someone flashing me a sign to go the other way and use the detour and that I may be able to see something good in something temporary. It feels like they are filling a void in the street to make it smooth again. New things to somehow get used to. Old and precious things to keep and some few old things that have become unnecessary.
Just that. I am under construction. Be careful of falling debris.
Ug wa koy lingaw.
In 9 minutes, I'll be out. I found an online Sudoku and I was hooked. I've been doing it since 5pm today and I was able to solve 3 puzzles so far and then I had a hotel complaint. I must be happy today since tomorrow is my restday. And for the spirit of USA Labor Day and the holiday weekend, I had the call ended with the complainant telling me "i have been very kind". I am happy it ended that way after the list of not-really-good things he said about his hotel, I felt like vomiting. Anyway, happy Labor Day and hoping Gustav will slow down some more before it hits land.  I am currently having an affair with Brandon Boyd right here in my seat. I was all eyes and ears as he was stripping himself in front of, in this case, me. It is astounding that in the last 30 minutes, I have known so much more about him, including his memories of scribbling in very small pads with very small pencils as a child. Hmm.. So much like me, I should say.. And the interest in art, paintings, literature and anything about the arts, good and bad.. I'm falling even more. I have always admired the musicality and brilliance of Incubus and the man behind the mic, Mr. Boyd. I coudn't remember how many times I have thought about writing about them or him and scribbling my heart out for him. There must be something about today. I looked at the calendar. It is 11 Aug 08, 7:17PM Central. Nothing, as far as I can remember. Maybe it's because my stomach is aching since I woke up today and I have been trying so hard to keep my mind off it. I watched him as he seemed to drift to another world holding his mic with closed eyes as he sang, "I... wish you were here... I.... wish you were here..." with his light curls falling randomly on the sides of his face while beads of his sweat raced down his neck.. The sight of him like that makes me want to drift to that other world with him, wherever that is. Makes me wonder sometimes, what if I bump into Brandon Boyd one day in a cafe or an art gallery or in a park? What would I do or say or would I be able to even say a word? Makes me wish sometimes that I could meet him someday, maybe in one of his book signings, maybe talk to him even just say "Hi! I soo love you and your brains!" or watch them live in concert and weeks before the concert, I would make the world concoct ways just so I could get a backstage pass. Or maybe I'm just really bored or maybe my aching stomach just couldn't get out of my head. I feel better now. Better than earlier today. I looked at him again looking back at me. His eyes are like two deep seas I would like to drown into. You say, cut the crap. I say that, too. But yeah, I would love to drift away with that man, that one looking back at me right now. I wish I could tell him I would love to accompany him to all the surfing spots he could think of and I would promise him we will forever be endless conversations and overflowing creativity in every sense of the word. I am wishing, ok. I know. Wishes and dreams are boundless and free and this is my blog, so please allow me. *sniff* I am hopelessly waiting to get my hands on one of his books, From the Murks of the Sultry Abyss.
Here's an excerpt of how he came up with this book. "From the Murks of the Sultry Abyss" is a small piece of a quote from Carl Jung. He is one of the most highly respected and highly scrutinized Psychologists and in my opinion, Philosophers, of our time. The bulk of the statement is referring to the 'archetype' and man's quest to understand the images he sees in his mind's eye. But I interpreted it in a far more simple manner. I have always seen my mind as a cellar of sorts. A dark, dank basement that held secrets and memories and it was accessible to me only in very specific circumstances; as in a trance, expressive, or artistic state. The things that are retrieved from this cellar were of the highest order, and if properly understood, could be relocated into the 'Attic' so to speak. Transcendence through the artistic process, as it were. So by retrieving these images "...From the Murks of the Sultry Abyss," I am making maps for my roads to higher awareness. Yeah, I am a cheeseball. And proud of it.
-Brandon Boyd
source:http://brandonboydbooks.com/index.html
I am a cheeseball, too. A very large cheeseball. I am hoping to get that book and see all the cheeseball that you are. According to what I have researched, this book is a compilation of Brandon's creations of photographs, paintings, drawings, and journal entries. I love the journal entries part. To whoever knows anything about this book and where I can find it, please... and anyone who knows me who happens to find this book in one of the bookstore shelves in this country, please send me message. Calling RakRak, who is now taking pride in walking the streets of Makati with all the CO2 and minute particles in the air, to please tell me if you find this book. Text me anytime of the day. I will jump right out where I am.
I could keep it like this all day. all night. I could always just save this entry in my drafts and go back to it to continue this and then save it again and go back to it again but I have something else to do. I think I have a lot of reviewing to do. Because I came across this."The girl I find who wants to talk about quantum theory in a bar is the one I want to marry." - Rolling Stone, on his “ideal” soulmate So I have to go. I need to fill my brains..
 I feel sad today. Everybody is leaving... one at a time..
Today, Raquel left for Manila. Maybe not for good but i'm sure for the time being until -- I'm sad. She is the only officemate I go out with to do just about anything eversince I left the Mabolo girls and I think she doesn't know about it. Carlo can breath if I go out but only if I am with her. It's not that he's being difficult but I think he just wants me to be with someone who is as crazy as me? or maybe crazier? There was one specific time, i was bored on my restday... me: tanaw ko sine. boring man. pakuyog ko ni blahblahblah...him: si raqraq ra.
But for now, I won't be able to see her. Not here, obviously. Unless i'm gonna go drag her to Washington DC as my back-up dancer or she drags me to EU or we drag ourselves to desert land. When she said she was leaving, I was thinking who will I go out with during boring restdays? Or who will I eat with in KFC with "gravy soup"? Who will I go out with? I count the real people I have here in this "meantime" place and it's sad to know that the number is less than the fingers in my hands. Yesterday, I was eating my usual burger steak in front of the usual Carlo and I just blurted, "lakaw na si RaqRaq ugma.. Di nako ganahan." He asked, "Naunsa man ka oi? Ako diay?" I said, "Mingaw man kay la man si RaqRaq." Then I stuffed my mouth with all the rice I could get.
Now, I'll figure out my way in this little place for the meantime. It's weird because when someone significant leaves, it feels like back to sqaure one. Well for one, she was my teammate for a long time, spending the longest hours in the office (having 11x4 shift before). She was a teammate in our mini team outings (me, her and EAro). When we transfered to the new building just somewhere across, she was my lockermate on the 2nd floor and on the 4th floor. She was my roommate for 3 months and she said I used to kick her scalp during my trip to dreamland. Sorry.
I'm sure my time will come to move on, too. I just need some time. This place is getting smaller and smaller. We'll see each other again, hopefully with either Swiss alps on the background or with sand beneath our toes..
And to RaqRaq, I am now missing you..
Don't babuyan yourself in Manila.
 | you were here... | |
 | hey,roxie! muzta nah? thanx a lot for dropping a short comment..miss you and the good ol' days in expedia training..take care always,muahh.. |
 | pssst... akong favor nimo ha... tua sa message sa friendster... adto si nanay og i check ang mga epektos...
salamat po... |
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xansu wrote on Oct 9, '08 salamat.. thanks for dropping by. |
 | hi. how are you there? very maganda........:) |
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xansu wrote on Jun 10, '08 salamat baggi! new yorker na diay ka ron? hehehe..
salamat sa pag greet.. kaw pd.. be happy.. |
 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROXY!!!!
d pa late akong greeting ha kay june 9 pa gihapon sa new york ron, 6:23pm EDT to be exact...new yorker bya ko..hehehe...
wish u all d best.....be happy! stay happy!
XOXO
-=bAgGi=- |
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xansu wrote on Jun 8, '08 salamat sa greeting..
layo pa sa tinuod ko pril..
wa pa jud..
hehehe. |
 | HAPPY BIRTHDAY XAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you've got everything in life na jud. so all i can wish for you is.... um.... hmmm... hay kalisod....... ahhhh...
MORE MORE SUCCESS and...hmmmmmmm.......
happiness and contentment in life! oh char! |
 |  to all my contacts, carThalia loves u... agoie sori im bored.. watch out for her latest album due this summer shes comin to get u, arsewholes! |
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xansu wrote on May 2, '08  tayong dalawa? omg! baka ma-rape ako ng di oras. hahaha  yucks.. or isn't it gonna be the other way around? |
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xansu wrote on May 2, '08 love u roxanne! hheheheh punta kaya tayong bantayan carl.
cge na. or moalboal kaya.. |
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xansu wrote on May 2, '08 hi...ur site is the best.. u think so?
salamat.. |
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xansu wrote on May 2, '08 yeah the best ang pic nya sa taas... hahaha hahaha..
gaguhan to.. |
 | hi...ur site is the best.. |
| yeah pero mas reyna si thalia... shes the queen of queens... hahahah |
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